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How to Discover Patterns that are Hurting You

Do you ever find yourself saying “why in the world did I do that?” Or have you looked back over your life and noticed that you seem to do the same things over and over again, making some bad choices over and over again?

It might be because of patterns in your life that you aren’t even consciously aware of. Watch my video and do the process that I talk about – it’s one of the processes from my book, The Journey To Happy – How Embracing The Concept That Nothing Is Wrong Can Transform Your Life. It was a life-changing process for me the first time I did it many years ago – it just might be for you too.

I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.

If you find you have some unconscious patterns that are holding you back, connect with us and let us help you with that. Click below to speak with one of our Retreat Guides:

Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.

They’ll connect with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona.


Today, I’m going to talk to you about How To Discover Patterns That Are Hurting Your Life.Back in 2016, I wrote a book that became an International #1 Best Seller called The Journey To Happy. I’m going to be talking to you in a number of videos about the ideas and processes that I talk about in my book.
Have you ever looked at your life and thought, “Why did I do that?”

Or have you looked back over your life and noticed that you seem to do the same things over and over again, making some bad choices over and over again?
I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and one of the things that happened during that time is that I had some clients that I did 3 divorces for! And the amazing thing was, what I noticed is that they were marrying the same person over and over again, they just had a different name. And what I also discovered is that if their father was an alcoholic, they would end up marrying alcoholics, or if their mother was withholding and couldn’t express love, they would marry someone who was – you guessed it – withholding and couldn’t express love. I now see this all the time with people who come here to Sedona Soul Adventures to do our retreats.
It doesn’t make any sense when we think about it rationally, but when you think about it from an emotional and spiritual standpoint, it makes perfect sense. With a childhood like that, you take on the belief that you’re not loveable and your soul is looking to heal that wound so it finds someone to bring that up for healing. You keep finding people that bring up that old wound of making you feel like you’re not loveable. It’s a vicious cycle if you don’t do something about it.
So the key for this, is to discover the patterns that you took on as a child that are still affecting you.
This process is quick and it is so enlightening. When I first did it, I couldn’t believe it. Here’s what you do:
Look at the top 6 areas of your life and look at how these same things were for your parents:

  1. Life
  2. Spirituality
  3. Work
  4. Money
  5. Relationships
  6. Body

Here were my answers when I first did this…
Life
My Parents: Life is hard
Me: Life is hard
Spirituality
My Parents: Believed in God
Me: Believe in a Higher Power
Work
My Parents: You have to work really hard and do things you don’t like to make money and support yourself.
Me: I was working really hard and doing things I didn’t like (practicing law) to make money and support myself.
Money
My Parents: Made a lot of money. Spent a lot of There was never enough. My mother would sit at the dining room table and write out checks to pay bills and say, “There’s not enough!”
Me: Made a lot of money. Spent a lot of money. Never enough. Amazingly, I would also sit at the dining room table and write out checks to pay bills and say, “There’s not enough!”
Relationships
My Parents: Marriage is hard. Parents are distant, Father is working nights and completely unavailable.
Me: I was already divorced by this time. I kept finding unavailable men. My first boyfriend was away at college. My first husband was in law school and studying all the time. My second husband was from Holland and we had a long distance relationship until we got married. After that marriage ended, I had a relationship with an American who lived in Tokyo.
Body
My Parents: My mother was constantly dieting, and as my father aged, he became morbidly obese. He would go on diets and lose 30-40 pounds and then would go off the diet and gain it all back and more.
Me: I was put on my first diet when I was 12, even though I wasn’t fat. I would continually go on diets and lose 20 pounds, and then I would go off the diet and gain it all back and more.
Although I thought I was completely different from my parents, I was completely like them in terms of how everything in my life was manifesting. When I realized that I was even sitting at the dining room table writing out checks to pay bills and saying, “There’s not enough,” I was totally, completely stunned. These patterns are set in ways that we don’t even realize until we start to consciously look at them.

Take ten minutes to think about how your parents, teachers, or others (who really influenced you as a child) interacted with the world. For most people, it will be your parents. How did they “do” money? How did they “do” food? How did they “do” relationships?
Remember, this is not about blame; this is about raising your conscious awareness. As I’ve said, we are creating our reality in every moment. I know I created these parents and I created these patterns. This is not my parents’ fault. I chose (unconsciously) to take on their thoughts and perceptions. This was one of the most valuable processes I ever did in my life, so I invite you to do it now.
Of course, now that you have gained this awareness, there are steps that you can take immediately. For me, one of the first things I did was to stop writing checks at the dining room table! I also broke up with the guy in Tokyo.
For most of us though, just having the awareness of these patterns isn’t enough to change them. It’s certainly a start and I really want you to do this exercise so that you know this much, and there are simple things that you can start to do to change some of these things around. But usually, the patterns are much deeper and most of us need help in dealing with them and turning them around.
If you would like some help with that, please contact us at Sedona Soul Adventures. This is what we’re the best at – uncovering the patterns and then giving you the tools to turn it around.

    Go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
    Or better still, call us at (928) 204-5988.
    You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

    How to Use Your Emotions to get Happy

    In the last video, I talked about how you have to start thinking differently to get happy.

    In this video, I’m talking about how you can use your emotions to find your way to happiness.

    It’s simple (just not necessarily easy), and it can change EVERYTHING in your life.


    If it’s time to change some things around in your life, please connect with us and let us show you how that can be done. Click below to speak with one of our Retreat Guides:

    Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
    They’ll connect with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona. 


    In this series of videos, I’m talking about concepts from my book The Journey to Happy– How Embracing the Concept that Nothing is wrong can transform your life.
    I hope you’ve been following along with these videos about the concept of Nothing is Wrong, because that will make all this make a lot more sense.
    So let’s recap…
    Everything is energy.
    You are creating your reality in every moment (whether you believe it or not).
    You are sending out energy and vibrations in every moment.
    Quantum Physics is proving that even focusing attention on something changes it.
    When you think about something, you get more of it. If you’re worried about something, you bring it faster. If you’re excited about something, you bring it faster.
    What you resist persists. What you fight gets bigger and bigger because you are pouring more and more energy into whatever it is that you are fighting.
    When you allow yourself to, you can move into the energy of All That Is. You can move into the energy of All Possibilities. From that place, you can discover almost magical possibilities.
    Last time I spoke with you about how important the way you think is – As Henry Ford said, “There are 2 types of people in the world, those who think they can and those who think they can’t, and they’re both right!”        
    If you want to get happy, you need to start thinking like a person who thinks they can.
    And if you want to get really happy, you need to understand your emotions and how important they are because…

    Your Emotions Are the Most Powerful Tools You Can Use for Finding Your Way to Happiness

    In every moment, our emotions are telling us how we’re feeling, but even more importantly, they’re telling us how we’re flowing energy, how we’re vibrating.
    Although these ideas may seem complicated, they’re really very simple. You’re either feeling good, or you’re feeling bad. It’s pretty much as simple as that. We have all of these names for emotions. We have ones that have been labeled “good” – happiness, joy, bliss, contentment, peaceand you have ones that have been labeled “bad” – anger, depression, frustration, rage, worry, anxiety, despondency.
    In every moment, you have the ability to move toward good feelings or bad feelings. And this is so important because good feelings move us into the higher energetic vibrations that bring you the things you want – happiness, contentment, peace, and joy. Negative feelings take you in the opposite direction.
    So the great news here is that you can change things around.
    Listen to this fascinating study…
    Sonja Lyubomirsky, is a Professor of Psychology, at the University of California and she studies and does research on happiness. According to her research, 50% of happiness is determined by your “set point,” or genetics, and 10% is determined by your circumstances (finances, health, living situation). The other 40% is based on your own intentional efforts to become happier.
    So there are 2 things about this that I find incredibly interesting.
    One is that only 10% is determined by your circumstances, like your money situation, because I think so many people believe that there are things that would make them happy – like money, finding the perfect relationship, having a perfect body, etc.
    But the most important thing is that 40% is based on your own intentional efforts to become happier. That’s fantastic! That means that you have a whole lot of control over your level of happiness.
    So that’s what I’m talking with you about in this series of videos, giving you ideas and processes you can use right now to get happy. Look for these videos to get simple but effective ways that you can take control of that 40%. That can make all the difference.
    We had a man here a few years ago and he came to us saying that he was completely controlled by his emotions – he would get angry, he would get upset, he would lash out at this wife, his children, the people he worked with, even his friends. It was ruining his life, his wife was ready to leave, his children were afraid of him, and he had been placed on probation at work, with another outburst they were going to fire him.
    His position was that he simply could not control it. He had a bad case of what my friend Jill used to call the “I Can’t Help Its.” But what was even worse, he hated himself every time he lashed out at someone, especially someone he loved.
    He had gone to a psychiatrist and more than one therapist. They determined that he was not mentally ill, he was not bipolar, but nothing they did really helped him for long.
    When he came to us, we figured out 2 things right away. He had a younger brother who had died in a car accident when he was 6 and his brother was 5. He loved his brother and he had never been able to really grieve for him, his parents just didn’t know how to handle that. And not only that, his parents, in their own unhealed grief, always talked about the brother as though he were a saint, and so John was always made to feel like he could never live up to the memory of his brother. We discovered that he had all this deeply buried anger and rage at is brother for leaving him and also for setting him up as the not-good-enough brother.
    He said to us “this is crazy, how can I be angry with my brother for dying, I’m sure he didn’t want to die, it’s insane for me to be angry with him.” From a rational standpoint that’s true, but when you’re 6 years old, you’re not thinking rationally and these things go in so deeply. We did a bunch of processes to release the anger and grief, and at one point, he said he could feel his 6-year-old self finally feeling the grief he had felt all those years ago, and he felt it just lift off him.
    We also figured out that he is an Eight on the Enneagram. If you don’t know what that means, that’s fine, just look for my video on the Ennegram. The Eight is the Aggressor, the Fighter. I’m an Eight and what that means is that we’re wired to fight and to protect what we have. It’s not a character defect, it’s a basic wiring that he came in with. When he found this out about himself it was as if a light bulb went on. He said, “this explains so much about everything that has happened in my life.” He dropped all the judgment he had about himself
    So before he came to us, he was filled with all this anger and rage that he didn’t even know was there, and he hated himself because of the way he acted and he believed he had no control over any of it. When he left, the anger and rage were gone and he had a new deep love for himself. He went home and started using the simple tools we gave him to use when he would notice his emotions starting to turn negative or hostile. He discovered how even with just stopping to take a deep breath, he just didn’t go there anymore. You can imagine how everyone around him reacted. He brought his wife out to do a couples retreat, he had both of his adult children do retreats and even 2 people from his work came to do retreats. They saw the incredible changes in him and they all said “I want some of that.”
    So if you would like some of that, I want to encourage you to reach out to us. Come to Sedona and let us custom design a retreat for just exactly what you need.
    Go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
    Or better still, call us at (928) 204-5988.
    You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

    How to Get Different Results

    Do you like the results you’re getting in your life? How’s it going with your…

    • Work
    • Love (Relationships, Family)
    • Money
    • Body
    • Life?

    If things aren’t perfect for you in all those areas, watch my video to find out ONE THING you can do to start getting different results.

    And if you decide you’d like to have the results in your life be different, connect with us and let us show you how that can be done, in as little as 3 days. Click below to speak with one of our Retreat Guides:

    Or if you’d prefer, call us toll-free at 1-877-204-3664 (US and Canada). For our friends outside the US and Canada, call 01 928-204-5988 or click here and one of our Retreat Guides will call you.
    They’ll connect with you (or both of you, if it’s a couples retreat) in deep conversation. Then they’ll custom design the perfect retreat for you, working with our Master Practitioners here in beautiful, mystical Sedona. 


    Today I’m going to talk to you about How to get different results in your life.
    I’m doing this because I’m all about everyone being just as happy as they can be. That’s why I wrote my book The Journey To Happy.
    So my question is: Are you happy with the results in your life? Are you happy with what I call the Fab Five?

    1. Work
    2. Love (Relationships, Family)
    3. Money
    4. Body which together comprises your life
    5. Life

    So if you’re not happy with the results you have in your life so far, my question to you is: What are you going to do about it?
    ‘Cause if you don’t like the results you have so far, you have to do something different, and the question is, What are you going to do differently?
    At this point when I’m speaking with someone, they’re usually having a reaction of, “oh wait, you mean I actually have to do something?” and the answer is, “yeah, you’ve got to do something different.” I’m always amazed at how people don’t want to do that. They say on the one hand, they want their life to be different, but then they don’t want to do anything about it. It’s like Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
    And I’m here to tell you there’s something very simple you can start doing to change things around. It’s simple, but it’s not necessarily easy. Start to think differently. Because as quantum physics has proven:
    Everything is energy.
    Our thoughts produce energy.
    What we think about expands.
    What we think about we get more of.
    This is why I wrote my book, because one of the things I want to challenge you on is the way you’re thinking. And maybe the only problem is just that you’re thinking the wrong way.
    Which is completely understandable, because most of us are taught to think the wrong way – I know I was. We’re taught to be afraid, to worry, to expect the worst and to plan for a rainy day.
    And that’s how most people run their lives, by thinking like everyone else does. But what does that get you? Just more unhappiness, fear and worry. And look at how over the centuries, so many people have been so wrong about so many things. Think about it. Think about all of the perceptions that have driven mankind’s behaviors and caused us to do things that now seem very weird, silly, or just plain horrible. For example:

    • People believed for thousands of years that the earth was flat and that they would fall off if they went to the end of it. Columbus finally proved that one to not be true.
    • Religious scholars once taught and believed that the sun revolved around the Earth, a theory believed for many, many years. To believe or teach otherwise was considered heresy. Scientists were actually executed for teaching these theories. Galileo was nearly executed, but instead, remained under house arrest for the remainder of his life after he published the observations that he had made with his telescope, which proved that the Earth revolves around the sun.
    • This is one of my favorite (crazy) ones: It was believed that you could determine who was a witch by throwing them in a river. If they were NOT a witch, they would sink (and most probably drown). If they floated, they were a witch, and you could then burn them at the stake!
    • For years, no one believed that it was possible for a human being to run a mile in less than four minutes. There was so much written about it that it was believed to be empirically true by scientists and medical doctors. Then, Roger Bannister did it in 1954. Once it had been done, everyone’s mindset changed. More and more people did it, and the record has now been lowered by over 17 seconds. 17 seconds – think about it, that’s an eternity when you’re running. (It’s also interesting to me that way back in 1954, Roger Bannister used Visualization as part of his training).

    Remember what Henry Ford said: “There are two kinds of people in the world – those who think they can and those who think they can’t. And they’re both right!”
    So which kind are you? Do you think you can? Or do you think you can’t?
    And here’s the good news! It’s your choice!
    If you want different results, all you have to do is think differently, act differently, do things differently, talk differently. In my last video, I talked to you about how to talk differently: Change Your Story, Change Your Life.
    And over the next few weeks I’ll be giving you more and more processes that will help you do all of this.
    Now I’m talking to you about Thinking differently.
    Make the decision to take on. That’s a big one.
    Stay in gratitude. I’ll be talking more about that one in another video, because that’s a huge topic.
    There was a book written many years ago which was called, You Can’t Afford The Luxury Of A Negative Thought.
    I love that so much, it’s so true – negative thinking is costing you dearly. It’s costing you your peace and your happiness; it’s costing you your life. Worse, it’s keeping you out of the Higher Vibrations where you can connect with everything you do want in your life.
    That’s where the title of my book came from. In My Journey to Happy I discovered that the quickest way to stop my negative thinking was to make the decision that Nothing is Wrong, and the minute I did that, the most amazing things started to happen and change around. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be talking with you about exactly how I did that and give you lots and lots of processes to help you start doing that too.
    But it starts with a Basic Decision. If you want different results, you’re going to have to do something different.
    You’re going to have to Stop your stinkin’ thinkin’ so that you can become the kind of person, as Henry Ford said, who thinks they can.
    I hope this helped. And if you got value from this video, please take the time to like it, share it with someone in your life who think might get something out of it and subscribe to our channel.
    And if you want some direct help in getting different results in your life – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
    Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you, call us at 928/204-5988.
    You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

    One Thing You Can Do Now Right Now to Get Happy

    Today I want to talk to you about something you can do right now to get happy. It’s very simple, but it’s one of the most effective things I know to get happy and stay happy.

    I’d love to have you try it and let me know how it works for you.

    I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.

    I’m talking with you today about One thing you can do right now to get happy.
    In this series of videos, I’m talking about concepts from my book, The Journey to Happy– How Embracing the Concept that Nothing is wrong can transform your life.
    I hope you’ve been following along with these videos about the concept of Nothing is Wrong, because that will make all this make a lot more sense.
    To recap, it’s not what’s happening to us that is causing most of the problems in our lives, it’s our reactions and responses to what’s happening:

    • How we’re thinking about it
    • How we’re talking about it
    • How we’re feeling about it

    What  I’ve found in my own life, and with the thousands of people that we’ve helped through Sedona Soul Adventures, is that the more I drop my resistance, the more I am able to go with the flow, and the more things happen that are almost miraculous.
    It’s a shift out of the energy of “Everything is Wrong” and into the energy of “Nothing is Wrong” that changed everything in my life.
    The question is, how can you do that? How can you flip that switch?
    And the answer is simple: Make the decision.
    Make the decision that Nothing is Wrong.
    Make the decision that you are going to start living your life from this belief and this perspective.
    And I’m going to give you an easy way to implement that decision It’s a process called Change your story, Change your life.
    If you stop thinking and talking about what you don’t want and start focusing and talking about what you do want, the energy shifts and amazing things can happen.
    This is actually one of the Nine Stepping Stones that I give you in The Journey to Happy and I’m giving you the one that you can start using immediately, and that can have the biggest impact right now. Stop talking about what’s wrong. Just stop. And don’t get involved in conversations with other people who are talking about things that are wrong, or that are not okay, or that you don’t like.
    If you do this for a few days and start to notice how much you do it, I think you will be humbled and embarrassed. And then you will start to notice how much other people talk about things that are wrong, but remember, Nothing is Wrong with other people thinking and talking about what’s wrong. It’s a free country, everybody gets to be just as miserable as they want to be. Everybody has a choice.
    And if other people notice that you’re not speaking negatively, don’t tell them what you’re doing. Most people are so attached to their unhappiness, they don’t want to see other people coming out of it, so just keep your new thoughts to yourself. The Bible says that after Jesus did one of his first miracles he told the disciples, “Go and tell no one,” because he knew their faith wasn’t strong enough yet to deal with all the negativity they would receive. Don’t set yourself up for someone overwhelming you with their objections to you getting happy.
    For now, this is your decision and your life – just keep on practicing.
    And if you’re feeling really adventurous, in addition to NOT talking about what’s wrong, you might start actively talking about things that you like or things that you appreciate. There is always something to appreciate, even if it’s just that you’re alive – and how fantastic is it that you’re alive?
    Do this one simple thing and notice how things start to shift as you flip that switch.
    We had a woman who came for a retreat a few years ago and she had had a really difficult life. Both of her parents were physically and emotionally abusive, her father was physically abusive and her mother was emotionally abusive. They had both passed away and she felt that she never really had a chance to confront them about what they did to her. She talked about it all the time. She referred to herself as a victim. When she came to Sedona she was still filled with hate (which was completely understandable), but it was eating her up inside and she knew it.
    We did a number of sessions with her that were designed to move out that old energy and then the most amazing thing happened. In her Inner Breath Journey, both of her parents came to her, one by one. They asked her forgiveness. She cried and cried. She told me, Debra it was definitely them.
    She was flooded with forgiveness and love, and after that, she didn’t even have the desire to talk about it anymore. She got home and she realized that she simply didn’t have this story anymore. She quit talking about it, not because she was stopping herself, but because she just didn’t want to talk about it anymore, it didn’t serve her, it just made her feel bad. She realized that with most of her friends, they were so happy for her and they loved that talking about this negative stuff wasn’t part of the baggage of their friendship anymore. But she had one friend who, after a few months, just vibrated out of her orbit because this person wanted to talk about negative stuff and wanted to talk about her own negative story, and without the stories and without them feeding off each other, they didn’t really have a friendship. She told me awhile ago that she didn’t really realize just how much energy she was losing over this and how Changing her story, stopping the story gave her her life back.
    I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like it, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
    And If you want a more direct path to getting happy and staying happy – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats today.
    Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at (928) 204-5988. You can have the life AND the relationship you want – I know it.

    How to do Ho’oponopono – incredible results!

    Have you ever heard of Ho’oponopono? It is the most incredible process that can yield almost unbelievable results in your life. Watch my short video and see how this simple forgiveness process can change absolutely everything around.
    Try this and if it works for you, let me know – I love hearing those stories!

    I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.

    This is one of two videos where I’m talking to you about Learning How To Forgive. If you haven’t watched the other one on Radical Forgiveness, be sure to do that.
    One of the hardest things in life is learning how to deal with a situation when someone has hurt you. Especially if it’s someone who you love and care about,` and who you thought loved and cared about you. Like a parent, a spouse, or a friend.
    And it doesn’t even have to be from someone we care about. It happens all time in life, where we feel like we’ve been wronged or someone has done something to mistreat us – like getting into an argument with a neighbor or having a situation with another person that just seems to be something where you can’t get along with this person no matter what you do. And if it’s someone like a fellow employee or your employer, that can be really difficult. Having to be around someone who you constantly seem to have problems with is draining and makes life not fun.
    If that’s your situation, I want to tell you about Ho’oponopono. This is an ancient practice  developed by the kahunas, the spiritual teachers of Hawaii. It’s a very simple practice but it’s incredibly effective. This was popularized by Dr. Hew Len. Dr. Len grew up in Hawaii thinking that all this spiritual stuff was really weird and he didn’t believe it, but then some things happened in his life and he started studying Ho’oponopono.
    Ho’oponopono is very simple. When I tell you this, you’re going to think something like “Debra, that’s ridiculous, that can’t really work”, but just stick with me.
    The Concept of Ho’oponopono is all about consciousness and about taking total responsibility for everything that comes into your consciousness. So, for example, if you have a car accident and you tell me about it, now that it’s come into my conscious awareness it becomes my responsibility. “Now wait a minute, Debra”… I’m sure you’re thinking, “If one of my friends tells me about their car accident, how does that become my responsibility?” Well, it has to do with consciousness and energy, and clearing the energy of things that are not in the highest vibration.
    So again, it’s very simple, with Ho’oponopono, here’s the way it works. You think about the situation and you say either out loud or silently:
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    I love you
    Thank you
    That’s it. You just do that over and over again and watch how things change. Dr. Len’s story is probably the most dramatic about this.
    After he began working with Ho’oponopono, he was asked by the State of Hawaii to work in the Hawaii State Prison for the Criminally Insane. This was a very violent place filled with people who were murderers and rapists, plus they had been found to be insane. Conditions there were terrible – inmates were constantly attacking the staff, employee turnover was constant, the energy was so bad that plants wouldn’t grow, and get a load of this, paint wouldn’t stay on the walls, they would paint the walls and it would peel off.
    They asked Dr. Len to join their staff and he said okay, but he wouldn’t see patients, he wouldn’t do rounds… he just sat in his office with the files of the people in the prison. He would read over what happened, all the murders, the rapes and he would take on full responsibility for everything that had happened. Then he would say:

    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    I love you
    Thank you
    Over and over.
    He did this for a few months and everything started to change in the prison, the energy started moving and there was a transformation that started to happen. First, the prisoners became less violent. The attacks on the staff stopped. The prisoners had all been heavily medicated before, they discovered they didn’t need as much medication or with some people, none at all. Plants started growing. The paint started staying on the walls.
    And incredibly within 4 years, the prison was closed down. Many of the prisoners were adjudicated as sane, stood trial and were imprisoned. But a huge majority were healed and released for time served. Within four years, the place was completely emptied of all the negative, horrible energy.
    And the only thing that was different was that Dr. Len was sitting in his office bringing this into his consciousness and saying:
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    I love you
    Thank you
    Over and over.
    We teach this practice in our retreats and we’ve had incredible success with it. We had one woman come on a retreat because she said she was going to leave her husband because he simply would not help her. She had a demanding job, they had 2 kids, and he wouldn’t do anything at all to help her with running the house and taking care of the kids. That led to lots of anger and upset, nagging and disconnection, and finally she’d had it. And he was sick of the nagging and also ready to walk out the door.
    She said she wanted her retreat to focus on getting strong enough to leave. But when she was here, we uncovered that she really did love her husband and she didn’t want to split up her family. We did some clearing sessions with her and taught her Ho’oponopono, including all the underlying dynamics.
    She went home and just kept doing the Ho’oponopono with her husband. She said that 2 days after she got home he started doing the dishes. She hadn’t asked him, he just started doing it. Then he started helping with the cooking, cleaning, and child care. One day he just came in and said, “Is there anything I can do to help you?” and she just about fainted. She started crying and told him what had happened. He told her how much he loved her and that the last thing he wanted was a divorce. That was over a year ago and their marriage has completely turned around.
    We had another person come to us who had a fabulous job – she loved what she did, she made a lot of money and had a lot of freedom, but there was always something going on with her boss. Her boss was always criticizing and always doing things to cause her trouble. He couldn’t fire her, but he was making her life miserable. She came for a retreat and her focus was on “should I leave my job?” We did some other clearing with her and taught her Ho’oponopono. When she got back, her boss said to her, “We missed you”. Suddenly her boss wasn’t just being neutral with her, her boss was being kind and deferential. Six months later she got a huge promotion, largely based on the recommendation of the boss she’d had so much trouble with before she started doing Ho’oponopono.
    Try this for 28 days and see what happens. It works. Don’t tell anyone. Certainly don’t tell the person you’re having the trouble with. Just do it.
    Just think about the situation and say:
    I’m sorry
    Please forgive me
    I love you
    Thank you
    Over and over.
    And the amazing thing is, you don’t even have to actually feel sorry. I did a 5-day workshop with Dr. Len a few years ago and he told us, you don’t even have to feel like you’re sorry. The energy just moves from doing this. And it works with every kind of person and every kind of situation.
    Try it and send me an email to let me know what happened. I love getting stories like that.
    I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
    Forgiveness can be a really tricky and difficult thing to do. And if you find that you need some help, or you need to go deeper, connect with us.
    Go to  SedonaRetreatGuide.com  and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats.
    And if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
    You can have the life or relationship you want – I know it.

    A Radical New Way to Forgiveness

    Forgiveness can be a hard one. I know, because sometimes it can be a hard one for me.
    I love what Nelson Mandela said:

    “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”

    In this video, I talk about a radical new way to learn to forgive. It’s helped me a lot. I hope it can help you.

    I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.


    One of the hardest things in life is learning how to deal with a situation when someone has hurt you. Especially if it’s someone who you love and care about, and who you thought loved and cared about you. Like a parent, a spouse, or a friend.
    In this video and the next one, I’m going to talk about two different processes which have made a huge difference in my life. I don’t know how you are, but for me, forgiveness has been a hard thing to learn in my life. I’m an 8 on the Enneagram – if you don’t know what that means it’s okay, we’ll be talking about it in later videos. But for here what that means is that as an 8, my emotional identity is hard-wired to hold grudges and not forgive people. And I’ve discovered over the years, that’s a recipe for a very unhappy life. So in the next two videos I’m going to give you two amazing processes.
    The first one is called Radical Forgiveness and it was developed by the author Colin Tipping. His book is great.
    The premise of this book is that before we’re born, we make soul agreements with each other, designed to aid in our soul’s healing and progression. Our souls get together and have this cosmic meeting – think of it as a big conference in the sky.
    In this pre-lifetime conference, soul agreements are made – “Okay, last time you killed me, so this time I’ll kill you,” or “Last time you killed me, but this time I’ll do something to break the cycle (such as forgiveness) so we’re off of this particular karmic wheel.”
    Just imagine for a moment that it’s true, then think about your relationships. What if the person who did something terrible to you was only doing it because of an agreement that you both made prior to coming into this lifetime? It’s an arrangement that you (that Highest part of you) not only agreed to, but also considered to be in your best interest for the highest evolution of your soul.
    Wow! That turns everything on its head.
    Suddenly, the people who are “doing” things to you, are actually giving you a huge gift – the gift of awareness and higher consciousness.
    Even better, once you see it this way, you can stop it. “Okay, I got the lesson, I don’t need any more of that.”
    So who do you need to forgive? Has someone cheated you? Maybe you cheated them in a past life? Has your mate cheated on you? That’s a really big one and one that many people can’t ever forgive, but think about it. If it’s true that virtually everything that happens to us is the result of agreements that our souls make before we even come onto the planet, maybe you need to re-think your decision to not forgive your spouse.
    Understand, I’m not saying you don’t hold people accountable and you let everyone walk all over you. I’m talking about you making the decision to whether or not to hold onto grudge, hold onto the negative energy, hold onto the energy of “I won’t ever forgive you.” Because I’ll tell you, that energy is tearing you apart; that energy eats away at you.
    Don’t forgive the other person to let them off the hook. Forgive them so that you can let yourself off the hook. Forgive them so that you don’t have that horrible energy consuming you all the time.
    Nelson Mandela was put in prison for over 37 years. When he was released he said, “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.” You can keep yourself in prison, or you can give yourself the freedom that comes with peace. Mandela also said, “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.”
    We had a couple here last year who came to us because the wife had been unfaithful and the husband simply could not get over it, which is completely understandable. The retreat was a last ditch effort to save the marriage. As we worked with them, we realized that she had married someone just like her father — very judgmental, very critical, not demonstrative, and when she couldn’t get love and approval from her husband, after a few years she went and got it somewhere else. Even more amazing, was that this exact thing had happened to his father. When they both realized they had been playing out this pattern and playing out the same situation as his parents, they were both flabbergasted. He saw what his criticism and lack of demonstrating his love had done. He went into total forgiveness with her and with his own mother. She was finally able to forgive herself. Their marriage was completely re-born through this forgiveness.
    Who do you need to forgive? Your husband, your wife, your parents, your friend? God? Yourself? It may take more than a simple decision like the one Nelson Mandela made, but there is peace on the other side of that decision, I promise.
    I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
    If forgiveness is an issue for you, we can help. Like the couple who came to us, you may not realize all the layers involved. Connect with us — go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats.
    Or if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
    You can have the life or relationship you want. I know it.

      What To Do When Your Marriage Is In Trouble

      Most people know that 50% of marriages in the US end in divorce, but did you know that 67% of second marriages and a whopping 73% of third marriages end in divorce in this country?
      I was a divorce attorney for over 20 years and now I’ve spent over 16 years helping couples through Sedona Soul Adventures, and over and over again, I see the same things.
      If your marriage or relationship is having problems, or even if you’re just not feeling it like you used to (which is the beginning of really having some problems), then watch my video.
      I hope it helps.

      I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like and share the video, and subscribe to our channel.



      Let’s face it. Marriage or being in a long term committed relationship is hard. Even if you start out really in love and really committed, the day to day-ness of life can take the sizzle out of any relationship.
      And if you have a situation or a crisis, for example, if you have infidelity happening, then you’ve got a real problem on your hands.
      The question is, what to do? Well for many people, say 50% of the population, they throw in the towel and get a divorce.
      But what most people don’t know, is that the divorce rate for 2nd and 3rd marriages is even higher. 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
      And why is that? Because people aren’t learning from the mistakes from their first marriage or their second marriage.
      I was a divorce attorney for 20 years in Omaha, Nebraska, and I can tell you that divorce is not the answer. Divorce almost always ends up harming people emotionally and financially, not to mention what it does psychologically to the children involved.
      So what do you do when your marriage is in trouble? The simple answer is, you’ve got to do SOMETHING.
      You have to start talking to each other, you have to start communicating with each other, you have to reach out and do SOMETHING to start moving things around. And the sooner you catch it, the better your chances are.
      But here’s what you’ve got to do if you don’t want to become one of the statistics. You’ve got to get underneath and figure out what the real problems are. What’s causing all this? What’s triggering you?
      And after 20 years as a divorce attorney and over 16 years of doing couples work with Sedona Soul Adventures, I can tell you that what you’re fighting about is never what you’re really fighting about. What’s really happening is that the unhealed and damaged little boy is trying to get love from the unhealed and damaged little girl and when you’ve got 2 damaged and unhealed little children, it’s pretty difficult to have a conscious, loving relationship.

      Have you seen this sculpture that was done by at Burning Man a few years ago? I love this image because it perfectly illustrates exactly what I’m talking about. Almost all of our struggles, but especially within intimate relationships, is just a cry for love. The wounded little boy and the wounded little girl are just trying to get love. But because we’re coming from a place of wounding, it can be really hard to get the love we want in the way we want it. Then we divorce the one who’s not giving it to us, we find another one hoping to get it, but because we’re still wounded, we don’t know how to have a healthy, conscious, loving relationship, so then we divorce that one and become one of the 67%.
      It keeps on happening over and over because we’re not getting at the root cause that’s creating all the trouble – the wounded little boy or the wounded little girl.
      You have to get underneath the issues and figure that out – that’s what brings people back together.
      In the 20 years that I was a divorce attorney, I sent all my clients to therapy and it never did anything for any of them, not in one situation. Because it was just talking – not really getting to the deep underpinnings of the problems.
      We had a couple here last year who were breaking up over the wife’s infidelity. He was able to forgive her, but he felt like she didn’t really love him. When we dug deeper, we discovered that she had grown up in a home where she was never able to please her father, no matter what she did. She had then married a man who was also hyper-critical and who never demonstrated his love for her. Just like her father, her husband felt that providing a nice home demonstrated his love.
      Likewise, he grew up in a home where his mother never expressed love for him. She was demanding and always making him feel like he wasn’t “good enough” if he wasn’t getting perfect grades or being a star athlete.
      So both of these people grew up in homes where they didn’t feel loved and they both married people who didn’t express love, and so they both felt “I’m not loved.” The wife even realized that the man she had the affair with and was thinking about leaving her husband for was the same way – hyper-critical and undemonstrative.
      In their retreat, we took them each through individual sessions that cleared out those blocks and filled in those holes. Because that’s what happens when you have a childhood like that – it’s as if you have a hole that can’t be filled. But those holes can be filled and that’s what happened with both of them. Once those holes were filled, they suddenly saw each other in a new light. He understood why she had sought love somewhere else. She saw that he truly did love her, but he had blocks that made it hard from him to demonstrate that. With the blocks gone, she saw how much he loved her and he saw how much she loved him. That’s what can happen when we heal those unhealed parts.
      So when your marriage is in trouble, you need to look underneath what you’re at odds about and figure out what’s causing the real trouble. Where are your unhealed parts showing up?
      That’s pretty hard to do by yourself. Most of us can’t see our own stuff, even when it’s right in front of our face. But that’s what you need to do.
      I hope this helped, and If you got value from this video, please like and share the video, and subscribe to our channel.
      If you need some serious help – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Couples Retreats.
      If you’d like to talk to someone about doing a Couples retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
      You can have the life or relationship you want. I know it.

      How To Get Everything You Want In 3 Simple Steps!

      We all try to make it so complicated — how to be happy, how to find peace, how to get what we want. The real answer is that it’s simple — it’s not easy, but it is very simple.
      I hope you love this — let me know.

      I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.

      Today I’m going to tell you how to get everything you want! Wow! Can you believe it?
      I’m sure you’re thinking, Debra, why haven’t you told us this sooner?
      Well the truth is, I have, but today I’m just saying it flat out.
      The way to get everything you want is to:

      1. Get happy
      2. Stay happy

      And in order to get happy and stay happy…

      1. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want

      Ok that’s it. You’re welcome. Class over.
      No, I’m kidding, but it really is that simple and I’m going to give you proof of that in just a second.
      In 2016 I wrote a book that became an International #1 Best Seller, called The Journey To Happy. I’m going to be talking to you in a number of videos about the ideas and processes that I talk about in my book.
      So let’s back up. I’ve told you that the way to get everything you want is to:  

      1. Get happy
      2. Stay happy

      And in order to get happy and stay happy…

      1. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want

      Now let me talk about what I’m basing this on. One of the truths that Einstein discovered (and that Quantum Physics continues to prove) is that everything is energy. Even my desk, which feels so stable and strong, is – at its core – just a bunch of particles racing around.
      If everything is energy, (and now we know it is) that means that everything is much more elastic, much more malleable, and much more possible to change than we think it is.
      Through the years, quantum physics has proven, that we are energy, and they’ve proven that putting our attention on something in any way changes it.
      So, if everything is energy and if putting our attention on something in any way changes it, that means we are all creating our reality in every moment.
      What we focus on expands.
      We get more of whatever it is that we think about and talk about.
      That is great news! If you are creating your reality, that means that you can change the parts that you don’t like – the parts that aren’t making you happy.
      If you are willing to take responsibility for creating your reality, then you can take responsibility for creating it the way you want it.
      The final piece has to do with energy and vibration. Think of it this way. The things that you want – happiness, peace, joy, great relationships – all reside in the higher vibrational energies. Joy, peace and happiness are all much higher vibrations than depression, fear and blame. When you are a vibrational match to what you want, it comes to you. That’s what many people refer to as the Law of Attraction.
      So the way to get everything you want, is to get in the higher vibrations and stay there, and allow it all to come to you. In other words:

      1. Get happy
      2. Stay happy

      And in order to get happy and stay happy…

      1. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want

      The fastest way to get happy and stay happy is to stop focusing on what you don’t want and start focusing on what you do want. Remember, what we focus on expands. This is simple, but it’s not easy. Stop talking about things you don’t like. As they say, change your story, change your life. Stay focused on what you want and let the magic happen, because when it starts happening it feels like magic.
      When I came to Sedona for the first time in 1999, my life was not the way I wanted it to be; every part was messed up. I hated my work as a divorce attorney, I was in an unhappy marriage, I was 40 pounds overweight, and I was $50,000 in debt.
      All I could think about was the mess I was in. I kept thinking about it obsessively all the time and it just kept getting worse and worse, and I kept getting more and more unhappy. I came to Sedona for what I thought was going to be 3 days of just being quiet, but instead, I did one session with a practitioner here, Ranjita, who is still one of our most wonderful practitioners.
      In that session, my high self appeared to me and told me I had to leave my law practice or I was going to die. I got the message and went home, and after 2 weeks of trying to figure out how I was possibly going to leave my law practice when I was $50,000 in debt, there was a day where I just gave up. I was meditating and praying, and I just felt all the worry and concern just lift off me. I remember saying, “ok God, I’m going to do this. I don’t know how I’m going to do this, but I’m going to do it, and I need some help.”
      Within about 8 hours, a former client called asking me some questions and at the end of the call told me he had just bought a new business refinancing mortgages. I asked him if he thought he could get my mortgage payment reduced. He took my address and called me back in 10 minutes and said “I can get your mortgage payment cut in half and I can get you $50,000 in cash.” Now, I had never told him I was $50,000 in debt. He certainly didn’t know about my going into that high vibrational state where I just released the worry and concern. But suddenly, within a few hours, the worry and concern that had haunted me for 5 years was gone.
      The trick is getting there and staying there. And over the course of these videos, I’ll be talking about lots of different ways to do that, but the key is all in these three simple steps:

      1. Get happy
      2. Stay happy

      And in order to get happy and stay happy…

      1. Don’t think about what you don’t want and don’t talk about what you don’t want

      We see this all the time with our retreats here in Sedona. Just a few months ago we had someone come to us who was just very dissatisfied with her life. She had a pretty good job, but there were things she didn’t like about it, there were things she didn’t like about her husband, her kids were grown and gone, and she just felt all this dissatisfaction.
      We uncovered that from her childhood, she had some worthiness issues, meaning she felt like she wasn’t worthy to be happy. We cleared out those blocks and once those were cleared, the most amazing thing happened. When she did her Breath journey session, she got it that she was focusing on the negative and not at all on the positive. With her practitioner guiding her, she did a complete turn around.
      She went home and started focusing on what she liked about her life, her job, her husband, her kids, and everything else in her life, and she discovered how truly blessed she was. She stopped talking about what she didn’t like and just kept talking about the things she liked, and it changed everything around. She wrote me a few weeks ago and said, “It’s the most incredible thing. Nothing on the outside has changed, but suddenly I love my life, every single part of it.”
      That’s what can happen when you make the decision to get happy and stay happy.
      I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
      If you need help with getting happy and staying happy then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and get your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats.
      If you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you call us at 928/204-5988.
      You can have the life or relationship you want. I know it.

      How To Stop Feeling Stuck

      One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you’re stuck — especially if you’re feeling that way about more than one area of your life. And have you noticed how it seems to happen like that? We don’t get stuck in just one place – once it happens, it seems to affect almost everything.
      I hope this video helps. Watch now:

      (Stay up to date on all of our videos…click here to subscribe to our YouTube channel.)

      Sometimes in life, things just seem to get stuck.
      Money
      Relationships
      Health
      Career
      Business
      And we normally find that when one area is stuck, there are other areas that are stuck or dragging slowly too – have you noticed that?
      If this is something you’ve been feeling, here are some possible reasons why…
      So many people feel just dragged down from life, the day to day of just getting through can sometimes just be overwhelming.
      You’re not living your life purpose and maybe you don’t know what it is – maybe you’re telling yourself you can’t have the life you want.
      Are any of these true for you?
      You see, when we look a little deeper, we uncover what’s really going on and then when you go deeper still, you see the compound affects showing up in many areas of your life.
      When I came to Sedona for the first time in 1999, I felt completely stuck.

      • I had just started my 20th year as a divorce attorney and I absolutely hated it
      • I was in an unhappy marriage
      • I was $50,000 in debt because of some poor business decisions that had been made
      • I weighed 40 or 50 more pounds than I weigh now

      I felt completely stuck in every part of my life. I came to Sedona for 3 days and  it completely changed my life… and 3 years later, I started Sedona Soul Adventures.
      So what can YOU do right now to begin to stop feeling stuck?

      1. Take some kind of action anything, moving your body, anything.
      2. Get an idea of what you want. Follow your excitement. Look at and choose one thing that you could do, starting today.
      3. Read some inspirational books and biographies of people who have inspired you.

      These are great places to start and as you work through these, you’ll begin to uncover other ways to help you find your way and get out of being stuck.
      If you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.
      If you want a more direct path to knowing and getting what you want – then go to SedonaRetreatGuide.com and request your complimentary copy of The Sedona Guide to Spiritual Retreats.
      Or, if you’d like to talk to someone about doing a retreat that’s custom designed for you, call us at (929) 204-5988.
      You can have the life or the relationship you want – I know it.

      How To Create Peace In Your Life

      In this week’s video, I’m talking about “How To Create Peace In Your Life.” It’s so interesting to me, that whenever we ask people to tell us what they want, “Peace” is almost always at the top of the list (or at least in the top 3).
      It’s what we’re all craving and it sometimes can seem like it’s impossible to find, but watch this and I think you’ll get some great ideas (if I do say so myself!).

      I hope this helped, and if you got value from this video, please like, share the video and subscribe to our channel.

       

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